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31/12/12

Hi,

Today is the last day of 2012! Trying to spend some time reflecting on what I have achieved for the past one year, and what I have not (hoping that I can learn from this).

So for the past one year, I have overcome a lot (personally I do feel this)- grew from plainly working to maintaining a close relationship with my colleagues, went from close friend to a stranger for a certain friend, studied part time instead of full time, and obviously grew from 21 to 22!

And so I have worked for close to 1 and a half years, and I am glad that I grew closer with my colleagues! Although my age and their age varies a lot, but they are still a fun bunch to work with. Whenever I have problems (irregardless of BGR, studies), I will turn to them and they will give me their honest opinions. Its really kind of hard to actually not laugh or even be not positive infront of them! I am glad we grew this close after 1 year plus, and I really hope we can have more outings to eating places like more mookata pls!

Occasionally I find myself not being myself( hard to understand I know), just because I quarrelled with this "friend". And now, I feel that I am unable to actually like talk to her as per normal times cause I am afraid. Afraid that she might say that I am trying to get close with her again as how I did tried the previous time. But now, I did tried, and I have realised, that I actually seriously do not need her in my life now. Cause I do know that despite the few friends that I have, I do have true friends.though some of the friends are actually friends of weichiang's, but at least I do know they are true. Not saying that you are not true, but things have reached the stage where I do not need you in my life, and vice versa. So I have decided to really forego this friendship of ours.

Studies is still ok, but occasionally I will be damn scared that I am unable to memorise all the information! I do hope everything will be ok and I will manage to pass all! Please let me pass all!!!Part time studies is really not easy, and many people feel that it's really easy cause just study for 3 hours and get home? But it's really not as simple, cause it involves a lot of sacrifices and patience. I know I do flare up occasionally, but it's due to people being unable to understand how hard it can get. Only those who take part time will fully understand how it really is.

And I grew from 21 to 22. More responsibilities, more maturity to be held for my decisions. And while reaching this age, I realised and discovered so many things. How people are willing to sacrifice for you( weichiang), and for those people who don't even bother( ahem ahem), and how true friends are.
Thanks if you really have touched me in this age cause I really do appreciate you. And to those who don't bother, or are MIA-ing in my dictionary, just f off out of my life, cause I can jolly well survive without you.

And so...it's yet another year. I won't write down resolutions for 2013, cause I do know that if I domt achieve them, I will be so guilty. But I do hope that in 2013, I will live more, laugh more and love more.

Cheers to 2013 and happy new year to ALL!!!!

Hi,

I am not too sure who might be reading this, but I have decided to just write down my true feelings about what happened for these past few months. Nothing big has happened, but this issue has been piling inside my heart for so long.

If any pure coincidence, please do ask me first whether I am actually talking about you, but in actual fact, I think my close friends would know about this issue.

So, it has been a few months since I last spoke to this friend, let's call her A. So the main reason why I stopped talking to her was cause I couldn't stand the un-initiativeness to actually even like contact me or go out with me. I know many people would say that this is indeed a childish reason to actually stop talking to someone, or rather ask me whether there can be a better reason. Yup, I do admit. That this is my fault at being so narrow-minded that I couldn't stand that I would be the only one initiating.

But like a couple, if one initiates and one does not, won't you feel that you are the one putting in the effort, instead of the other party?

Okay, so we didn't talk for I guess around 6 months, and recently, my other friend, let's call them B and C decided to like help us out a little and try to mend this friendship. And things between us were still awkward and when I met A on that day that the friendship was mended, I could still feel awkward. But soon after, I realised that A was a person who changed drastically.

I mean I am not somebody to judge that A have changed, nor I have denied that I have not changed at all. I do know that people change accordingly to circumstances, according to how they have grown. But thats when I have realised that A have changed to somebody who is totally different from who I used to know.

There were some issues that A did that I was pretty unhappy. Like every girl would feel unhappy/ jealous / angry if some other girl invites their bf to go club with them and even solo? With your sister friends but none of mine friends? I know it might not mean much to A but it definitely meant to me. Every girl has definitely this thing called jealously, and you asking my bf to just go club with you solo ( although there are your friends around) is just wrong. It might not be this case for your bf, that you allow him to go club and trust him 100%, which I don't think makes any sense by the way, but I am definitely sure that you are breaking our relationship between my bf and me. Just think in this way that one day I decided to actually asked your bf to go club with me, how would you feel? Without any friends that you trust, just your bf and me. How would you feel?

Other than that, there is another issue like my bf asking you to go sing karaoke, with an intention of mending the friendship ( if you were too slow to find out), but when you asked who was going and my bf said me and some other people, you responded that you do not want cause you felt weird and don't think is the right time to actually go out with me. Like what the hell? Cause I seriously felt that a) you are either trying to isolate me from my bf and other friends, or b) it's not only you who would feel that it's not the right time, I would also feel it, and I don't see a point to initiate this friendship yet again.

So let's discuss about other issues like the twitter issue. So, somebody, let's call that person D told me that you wrote like approximately one month ago, saying that I cancelled off all contacts with you, deleted you from FB/ twitter, but yet now I want to find you back. Something along this line. If you are reading this, I wanna clarify something. It's not ME who want to get back with you and mend this friendship. All along, it has always been my bf and C who have always wanted to help us. I told them that there wasn't a need, as I have actually got along well with my life, without you. And even if getting back together as friends with you, I would be too busy to even bother about you, due to school and work. 

And recently, I knew I was still pissed off by all the other issues that were mentioned above, and so I didn't talk to you, yet. But I decided that I won't want things to worsen, so I decided to add you on instagram. But the next moment, D told me that you said something that might be due to me adding you on instagram, something along the line that you are happy and statisfied with your life, so please do not go back to your life. You might say nah,I am really not talking about you, but pure coincidence?

And so I was pissed, and let my emotions controlled me, and I exploded after reading that, cause even if I know you did so many things that made me so angry and wanted to break the friendship, I still gave a hint of hope. And so after those emotions exploded, I decided to vomit out some hurtful words, and told you to f out of my life, through a 3rd party, C. 

And so I was actually pretty curious to what you were going to say, and I knew C won't tell me what you actually said. So I went to my friend's twitter and saw your tweets. In response to your tweet, I shall write what I feel about them here.

You are right about the first tweet that I should be bothered about and control to what you tweet, and why should I give a f to what you type even though I do not follow you. I didn't mean to actually mean that I should control you as to what your tweets should write or all that, but just as I wanted to treat you with a genuine heart, you treated me like shit and said about me in your tweets and even saying that I shouldn't bother?


Second tweet, saying that I am childish, asking a 3rd party to actually tell you what words that I don't have the courage to say infront of you. This is a little wrong in your super fabulous dictionary, cause who was the one who started tweeting about finding you back in the first place? So shouldn't you actually feel ashamed of yourself that you are also unable to tell me how you feel, but use twitter to  hide your true feelings from me? Contradict much? 

Third, you said that since that start I have made it clear that I wanted to break all ties with you, and why am I still bothered by what you are doing. I didn't say I wanted to break all ties with you, and that's why I tried to ask you whether you were free on Nov 9 to meet up, and you would contact me and tell me if your other plans on that day was confirmed. You told me you weren't ready, and I said that it's okay, we just meet up to catch up on those things that we actually missed for the past 5-6 months. If from the start that I wanted to break up ties, would I still make such plans? Ask yourself.

I know you might go around telling people your side of the story, but this is mine side of the story. 
And I do know that friendship is like a relationship, both sides need to put in the extra effort to keep 
this friendship going. I have done my part, and really tried my best. But what about you? I know it might be my narrow-mindedness that cause this friendship to go down the drain from the start, but following that all other things you did, all other things you didn't even tried, and other things that you made people feel that I was the only one who was wrong at ignoring you, but didn't even show a single hint that it was even your fault. 

If you didn't know, everytime I told friends about us, I would tell them that it was my fault that I knew I was narrow minded. But you? You blamed everything based on that I broke off connections with you, I didn't contacted you. But the truth is that following that everytime you do those issues that I mentioned above, it resulted in me feeling that you have changed and that's why I didn't want to actually keep in contact with. So saying that it's my fault only, and letting others feel its my fault only, is not valid. 

I know many people are telling me that maybe my effort wasn't enough, but I do feel tired. I feel tired from trying this friendship and trying to keep everything going, school, work, friends, bf, family all that, but all I wanted was you to understand, to initiate with me, even a simple coffee date or whatever, but no, it never came, and I know that it will never will. 

I know I was at wrong at being narrow-minded, and maybe not trying harder. But all these words you placed that is targeted at me, made me felt hurt and negative. After seeing those words, I could feel the anger in me building up. You said that I didn't even bother, but if I dont bother, why would I feel these feelings?

Friends, just like a couple need fate for them to be brought together. I do know that you and me might not be friends any longer, but I do hope you remain true to yourself, and maybe next time when fate permits, we might be friends. 

But at this moment, I am certain that I can live a happier and better life, without you. Because I have grown stronger, and I do know it's time for me to get away from all these words that you have said. Words said out, aren't ever getting back. 


Goodbye to you, somebody I used to know. Thank you.

30/10/2012 I guess I can never figure out how to upload photos from the iPad to the blogger. Super failure much!

 Have you ever thought as to how much a person can change? Or whether the change is really not change from their part, but as my friend put it, a lifestyle change. I know through Obama speech that change is good, but when a friend change, would you feel happy / sad about it?

 I guess as some people put it, people do change due to the circumstances that they are put through, but before you do change, please think about whether is this your true character. I might not be somebody to comment as I do know that I have changed from when I was in poly to workforce and to now, but I do know that I havent changed my principles and my belief. That's is what most important right?

 And so...school is tiring as it can be. I wonder when I can actually put my heart to doing revision cause whenever it's Thursday I will tell myself just a few minutes of X factor, but end up I watch the whole show! And when it's Friday I will tell myself that it's the start of the weekend, will I be willing to revise my weekend away?

 Gosh contradictions!

And oh ya, Christmas is coming! Meaning the tumblr that I wanted to get from Starbucks previously, is available now! Gosh cant wait for Christmas, as I am trying to do something special for this Christmas! Just a random thought! Ok I shall really try to solve this picture issue! ^^

Trying my best to blog via my iPad! Yup yup, I gotten an iPad to substitute the usage of using the lappie as it was freaking damn slow! :(

Glad that I gotten an iPad though, as I am a super loyal user of apple products. Call me normal / common but I don't see the point of getting something just people think its special / unique / not so many people uses it. But the fact is that there's a lot of people using it!

So...I just began my second semester my 1st year in uni and Uni life is really totally different from poly days. :(

Today's the 25th which means its the monthsary between wc and I! Teehee! Wanted to post pictures of what wc gotten for my supper, after class, but I am unable to actually post it up! Shall post the whole load of photos after having more time! But it's my favourite cream puffs from beard papa!

Although we might not necessarily see each other on the every 25th of each month, I am glad that I am still with u! <3 p="p">
Photos soon!

2nd September 2012, Sunday

OMGOSH, its freaking Sep already! >.< This year 2012 is moving at such a ridiculous speed! :( Really damn shocking to know that its almost another quarter till we celebrate 2013!

Nothing much has happened, except that I will be ending my semester soon (yet again,so super fast)! And the most memorable start to the Sep would be watching Ted with WC, Elwood and Nisa yesterday. It was damn freaking awesome to the max man! Really cracked me up like hell!Definitely a must watch!

Have you ever thought of how things would get better? I hope it will.

Have a wonderful September ahead.

Hey there,

to whoever is reading this small little space of mine. Another 3 more weeks and I will be actually heading to Semester 2 of my studies! Time passes so quickly, and soon exams will be here already! :(

So for the past 2 weeks since I blogged, I kinda reflect a lot, studied, and celebrated Elwood's and Melvin's bday at 2D1N, and went to Fana's Hari Raya visiting!

Actually, to be honest, I am always pretty lazy to put photos in my blog, as it just kinda makes me tired as to which photos I shall upload and to wait for it to be uploaded!

Although words might be boring to see, at least your will focus on my WORDS, rather than the PICTURES. Maybe wait till one day, when I am free enough to actually post pictures, then I will choose to post pictures, along with the words.

So talking about it, I have reflected a lot right, and I have kinda realised that.. friendship is dependent on fate. Like whether you can really "click" with this person well, and all that, its all gotta do with fate. So I shall just take things as it comes, and be happy about it. Cause being more grateful and happy leads to ever happier things to come to your way.

SO JUST SMILE! =D

A super quick update, as to how I am feeling now.

Have you ever felt that friends always leave you behind? I mean like friends do not just leave another friend behind. If thats the case, I would rather call that person, a stranger.

People might say I have high expectations as to how a friend should treat me, but think about it. Can you actually tolerate a stranger treating you like that, much less a friend?

You might always say that I changed, but haven't you thought that it was you who made me this way?Who made me felt that I can survive as much on my own than with you? Have you ever thought that when you told me to go and find you, there was no point in me finding you, cause you actually have some other people whom you have much interest with to find you?

Have you ever thought how it was so sad to be the last one to know what had happened? All I wanted was a friend to share problems with me. Thats all.

If you still have the right to say how much I have changed, please look yourself into the mirror and question yourself first.

Thanks.

Life is not the amount of breaths you take, it's the moments that take your breath away.

[x]FS0802 [x]jessie [x]HH SAN [x]falala [x]nuraini [x]WC [x]sandra [x]eleanor [x]shittyangel [x]haz [x]chengyi [x]sumaw [x]farah [x]farhan [x]dawn [x]osts [x]xiaxue [x]dina [x]glennda [x]joanna [x]ohsofickle [x]joyce


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